USA – Lt Paul Quinn, the pimply youth used by the Pentagon as it’s spokesperson on the case being referred to as the “Godzilla Fiasco” announced to a stunned world that sightings of a huge fire-breathing monster heading for Tokyo from Sumatra were in fact a cruel hoax. Continue reading “Pentagon fooled by pictures of ‘man in rubber suit’”
Early pictures of the terrifying monster being tracked by the US Government as it makes it’s way around the coast of South East Asia have been released by the Pentagon.
Spokesman Lt. Paul Quinn, a small and irritating man, confirmed in a Continue reading “First pictures of Sumatra monster received”
Ukraine – Despite this year having one of the gloomiest Christmases on record, there has been some good news: The Ukraine are now a freer country with a less corrupt President than ever before.
Yes, you got it: Viktor Yushchenko has kicked the ass of the evil ones! Continue reading “Yushchenko kicks ass in elections”
USA – Pictures from US Spy satellites scanning the seas off the coast of Sumatra clearly showed “a large terrifying monster” heading for the city of Tokyo, a spokesman for the Pentagon said this afternoon.
“Our pictures clearly show the creature coming up from the depths” the frightened little man said. “Breathing fire…. it’s head was quite clearly in the sky. We have Continue reading “Godzilla seen heading for Tokyo”
Indonesia – Citizens screamed in terror and ran for shelter following massive tidal waves, caused by the heaviest earthquake for forty years.
The earthquake is reported to have measured 8.98 on the Richter scale. Havoc was spread across the whole of South East Asia following Continue reading “South East Asia destroyed”
UK – In a new twist to the Dunkitt affair, the Bastard has discovered that the former nu Labor™ home sexatery’s guide dog ‘s’ has applied to the high court to have his owner neutered, for his own good.
The case ‘s’ vs. ‘D. D’ expected to Continue reading “Dog seeks to get owner neutered”
US – After about 500 complaints of molestation filed by women passengers US airport security staff lost their most prised perk, touching up women passengers.
Previous rules allowed airport security staff to touch up, known as pat downs, any woman who set off a metal detector when passing through airports. The wire in underwire bra’s routinely Continue reading “US Airport security staff ordered to stop molesting women”
UK – In a desperate attempt to raise funding for the war in Iraq Tessa Jowell, the Culture Secretary, plans to introduce taxes which are to be levied on any public entertainment event.
All events with more than six people that involves using temporary accommodation and Continue reading “Gov to Tax FUN”
UK – Stocks of heroin are running low, the Department of Health said last night. All doctors are being asked by the Chief Medical Officer to save heroin for people who are dying and to consider different forms of pain relief for other patients until more supplies can be assured.
Members of the Department of Health were reported to be scouring the streets of King’s Cross searching Continue reading “Government turns to heroin dealing”
Iraq – The Angel of Death came to visit wounded US soldiers in mosul today. The US Secretary for war crimes, paid a surprise visit.. He few in at dawn to reassure the men wounded in monday’s suicide bombing of the mess hall.
Death admitted that the conflict had entered Continue reading “Death’s Angel visits Mosul”