UK – In a shocking development, yesterday the wife of a multi millionaire was revealed to be attempting to swindle a food bank set up to feed people who are suffering extreme poverty as a result of the incompetent handling of the economy by the conservative government.
The woman was seen getting out of her husbands Rolls Royce, before joining the queue at the food bank in Leatherhead. When she got to the front Lady Elizabeth F’rskins-Smithe presented a hand written referral to the food bank signed by her husband. Who is also doubles as a local JP.
A volunteer who attended the same church as Lady Elizabeth, St Paedo’s in File street, immediately brought her to the attention of the food bank organisers. Who to their credit, promptly called the police.
When the police arrived she was arrested, and cuffed. Whilst being lead away she complained loudly that the police were arresting the wrong person, and that they should be arresting the idle dole scum and other feckless layabouts in the queue. Not decent upright citizens like her.
The Arresting officer asked her to be quiet, whence she became abusive and threatening. He promptly gave her a taste of his pepper spray. He then had to hit her with his tazar gun. Her motionless body was then dragged down the steps to the waiting black Maria.
Police have announced that Lady Elizabeth is being charged with attempted fraud. They would have arrested her husband, Lord David F’skins-Smithe, who is the chairman of F’udsters, Dippers and Windle, Merchant Bank, is above the law. He has however had to resign as a JP.
Lady Elizabeth F’rskins-Smithe is featured frequently in the Daily
Her most popular article was called, “Coke Good, Cannabis Bad”, and subtitled, “We cannot have the Riffraff enjoying themselves can we”.
When we phoned her Editor to ask what he had to say about Lady Elizabeth being charged with attempted fraud, he told us to, “Fuck off!” Then put the phone down.