Alcoholic Theresa May is Type 1 Diabetes shock!

Fancy a drink Theresa?
Fancy a drink Theresa?

UK – In another shock revaluation Home Secretary and alleged Alcoholic, Theresa May has announced that she has developed Type 1 diabetes.

Whilst it has long been known that Theresa May as found the stresses and responsibilities of being promoted far above her abilities to much to bear. It is alleged that she had been neglecting to eat and that she had been resorting to the odd stiff one before important meetings.

It wasn’t long before before the stiff one became a bottle of Vodka during meetings. Reports reaching the Bastard alleged that the Home secretary was normally unconscious by the end of the day and that a team of medics takes her home in a specially converted ambulance.

Questions had started to be asked to be asked as she had been losing quite a lot of weight recently. Well now we know that the reason is due to insulin chique.

It cannot be long, before a celebrity trash magazine runs the diet feature on the lines of, “Insulin chic: how to get slim in the Theresa May style.2 Advising teenage girls who happen to suffer from Type 1 diabetes how to abuse their blood sugar levels in order to lose the maximum amount of weight.

No doubt her political rivals will be swapping her sugar free drinks for the regular versions, offering her the largest and most delicious boxes of alcoholic chocolates in order for her to send her hyperglycaemic, and getting close to her hoping to smell a ‘Fruity’ smelling breath odour.

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Author: Dr Suusi Watson

Editor of the Bastard

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