The Secret Diary of Iain Dummkopf Schmitt aged 8 and 1/4 years old: 12 August 1962

Mein Kampf IDS's guide for life.
Mein Kampf IDS’s guide for life.

UK – I am board. Board. Board. My parents have gone to Scotland for the week, leaving me on my own to look after the house, as a punishment for having had such a bad school report.

On Monday I repaired my catapult. It needed the rubber replacing. So when it was working again I sat on my bedroom window frame and fired at any animal that was stupid enough to enter my garden.

It didn’t take long for word to get out amongst the animals that my garden was a free fire zone. So I was soon bored again.

I decided to search my parents bedroom to see what I could find. Under their bed I found a loose floor board. I lifted the loose floorboard and shone my torch in the hole to see what was in there.

I was most disappointed that it was only a boring old book! Something called, “Mein Kampf.” By someone ass hole called Hitler.

Bugger it I hoped that there was going to be something exciting like a gun and some ammunition that my dad had hidden. Something that I can have some real fun with.

Tuesday I went got a long walk, into the country. I took my catapult with me and took pot shots at anything that moved

I did much the same on Wednesday and Thursday too.

By Friday I was so bored that I went back into my parents room and got that book out and started to read it. The more I read the more I thought that I could identify with this chap Hitler.

He to was an unpopular child and I am glad to say that he is a devout catholic like me.

It is really strange that everything that I have heard about Hitler is so negative and horrible, but when I read his book he speaks to me.

I must find out about the Nazis. Not what they say in history lessons or my parents or grandparents. the truth. just like his book.

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Author: Dr Suusi Watson

Editor of the Bastard

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