Lady Elizabeth F’rskins-Smithe Arrested in Poison Scare!

Soho Square - Where Lady F'rskins-Smythe was arrested.
Soho Square – Where Lady F’rskins-Smythe was arrested.

UK – Once again Lady Elizabeth F’rskins-Smythe is in the News. She had parked her Rolls Royce in Soho Square Street and was handing out sheets of toilet paper dipped in noxious brown substance to anyone not wearing a suit in the London borough of Westminster.

A number of concerned citizens phoned the police, because they believed that Lady Elizabeth F’rskins-Smythe was trying to poison young people and children.

When asked by police what she was doing She said that was handing out food to “needy homeless people” of Soho. Police understandably asked her to move on. She refused, violently.

Officers fearing a public disturbance called for backup and
two vans of full of riot police pitched up and smashed both her face and all the windows on her husbands Rolls Royce. Before dragging her to Tottenham police station and throwing her in the cells.

A search of her car revealed a large silver salver full of a warm brown noxious substance and a multi pack of toilet rolls.

Analysis of the brown noxious substance turned out to be consomme. Police still cannot understand why she was handing out sheets of toilet paper dipped in soup to all and sundry.

During interrogation F’rskins-Smythe kept on saying that if eating toilet paper was good enough for supermodels then it is good enough for the homeless.

She also kept claiming that she was doing her bit to help the homeless as part of her community service sentence for attempting to defraud a food bank.

The magistrates ordered lady F’rskins-Smythe to undergo psychiatric tests and to appear before Westminster Magistrates Court again on the Tuesday 16th December 2014

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Author: Dr Suusi Watson

Editor of the Bastard

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