How Thatcher caught CJD – Mad Cow Disease!

How Margaret Thatcher caught CJD

The unspeakable holding the uneatable.!
The unspeakable holding the uneatable! – Attila the Stockbroker!

UK – This is yet another of the world famous times when your favorite publication, The Bastard brings you the the long suppressed truth about (in)famous people.

This time it is about the conservative demi god Margaret Thatcher. She really was a mad cow.

Who would have thought that an innocent visit to McDonalds would have resulted with Margaret Thatcher contracting Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease (CJD).

CJD is the human form of the prion disease Bovine spongiform encephalopathy (BSE)

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ISIL announce Pause in their Genocide during Ramadan!

Mass executions by the ISIL in Tikrit, Iraq. 11 to 14 June 2014
Mass executions by the ISIL in Tikrit, Iraq. 11 to 14 June 2014

Middle East –  With all the news coming out of the Middle East suggesting that the whole region is going to hell in a handbasket. There is one bit of good news. Admittedly it is a curious new useage of the word good, of which we were not previously aware. Continue reading “ISIL announce Pause in their Genocide during Ramadan!”

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Where the Hell are the Ebola Controls?

Ebola coming soon to a city near you - thanks to the Conservatives.
Ebola coming soon to a city near you – thanks to the Conservatives.

West Africa – Recently Médecins Sans Frontiéres revealed that the Ebola outbreak in Guinea, Sierra Leone and Liberia in West Africa was out of control. Some 400 people have so far died as a result of being infected.

Now Luis Sambo, Regional Director, Africa for the World Health Organisation, said, ‘This is no longer a country specific outbreak but a sub-regional crisis that requires firm action by governments and partners.’ Continue reading “Where the Hell are the Ebola Controls?”

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Bastard of the week – David Cameron – EU court jester

David Cameron - Bastard of the week - or should that be Gimp of the week?
David Cameron – Bastard of the week – or should that be Gimp of the week?

UK – That David Cameron has been chosen as this week’s Bastard of the Week will be no surprise to anybody. It is an immutable law, like those of the Medes and Persians that. Everything David Cameron touches turns to shit.

This week alone we have had his Continue reading “Bastard of the week – David Cameron – EU court jester”

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Rolf Harris Jokes

Clifford can you guess who your new cellmate is yet?

Prosecution: Mr Harris exactly what did you mean when you asked witness A: if she would you like to blow your didgeridoo?

Prosecution: Mr Harris Have you got anything to say about these charges?

Mr Harris: When I released Two Little Boys, erm… I’m Jake the Peg, deedle, eedle, eedle, um With my extra leg… Tie Me Kangaroo Down Sport..

Judge: I will tie your kangaroo down for 5 Years and 9 Months. Take him down…

Rolf Harris looks good for a man of 83, I wonder what his secret is?

I hear that Rolf Harris might go to Jail. At least he will be among old friends from the BBC in the nonce wing…

Do you think that he will be sharing a cell with Max Clifford or Stuart Hall? … or a grave with Jimmy Savile!

I always wondered why Rolf Harris looked so excited when he was told they would be looking at a young beaver, on Animal Hospital.

Rolf Harris to face paedophile charges. – Oh, if only there was a massive island over the other side of the world where we could send these people to keep them out of trouble.

Rolf Harris has just released Two Little Boys. Police are investigating…

I always had my suspicions. Glasses, beard… it all adds up.

Rolf Harris can look forward to swapping stories about his conquests with Max Clifford…

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Sacrificial Rats for the Cancer that is Rupert Murdoch!

Andy Coulson and Rebekah Brooks, sacrificial lambs for the Cancer that is Rupert Murdoch.
Andy Coulson and Rebekah Brooks, sacrificial lambs for the Cancer that is Rupert Murdoch.

UK – This week the high profile show trial of former News of the World editors, Andy Coulson and Rebekah Brooks. That someone was going to be found guilty should be of no surprise to anyone. The only question was who.

But this was a high stakes trial for both the political establishment Continue reading “Sacrificial Rats for the Cancer that is Rupert Murdoch!”

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Bastard of the Week – Little Willy Hague – Traitor!

Little Willy polishing his helmet. What a bell end!
Little Willy polishing his helmet. What a bell end!

UK – It has been a difficult week this week to chose the bastard of the week with Michael Fabricant, Former shadow police minister David Ruffley or someone else.

Michael Fabricant tweeted “I could never appear on a discussion prog with @y_alibhai (Yasmin Alibhai-Brown) I would either end up with a brain haemorrhage or by punching her in the throat.” Continue reading “Bastard of the Week – Little Willy Hague – Traitor!”

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Iain Dummkopf Schmidt on Police Helicopter to collect £15!

Hammersmith and Fulham Police AKA the Keystone Cops!
Hammersmith and Fulham Police AKA the Keystone Cops!

UK – This morning the London borough of Hammersmith and Fulham was treated to the thrup, thrup of a Police helicopters conducting a grid search for an unemployed man who was thought to have found a £20-00 note.

It is understood that Mayor of the London Borough of Hammersmith Continue reading “Iain Dummkopf Schmidt on Police Helicopter to collect £15!”

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So we leave the EU. Then what?

The Scum summed up the UK's commitment to the EU with this headline
The Scum summed up the UK’s commitment to the EU with this headline

UK – A recurring theme of the political right wing of the Conservative party and United Kingdom Independence Party is that we must free ourselves from being under the jackboot of Brussels, and leave the EU.

We ask OK we leave the EU then what then? Try to resurrect the commonwealth? Join the USA? Or plod along on our own? Continue reading “So we leave the EU. Then what?”

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British Values? What are they Dave?

One of only four surviving exemplifications of the 1215 text
One of only four surviving exemplifications of the 1215 text

UK – Once again in the UK we are treated to the sight of a weak and desperate prime minister coming out with a meaningless slogan to try and catch the headlines and con a weary electorate into supporting him.

With Mrs Thatcher it was Victorian values. Now we have David Cameron spouting on Continue reading “British Values? What are they Dave?”

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