Iain Dummkopf Schmidt on Police Helicopter to collect £15!

Hammersmith and Fulham Police AKA the Keystone Cops!
Hammersmith and Fulham Police AKA the Keystone Cops!

UK – This morning the London borough of Hammersmith and Fulham was treated to the thrup, thrup of a Police helicopters conducting a grid search for an unemployed man who was thought to have found a £20-00 note.

It is understood that Mayor of the London Borough of Hammersmith and Fulham, Councillor Frances Stainton thought that she had seen a man who looked a bit shabby find a £20-00 note. Concerned that an unemployed person might be getting something that he had not earned, she got on to the DWP fraud hotline, to report the incident.

Within minutes the entire resources of the Hammersmith and Fulham Police were mobilised to to find the unfortunate man and confiscate £15-00 of his windfall over the £5-00 that he is permitted to earn.

After two hours the search taken on a rather Keystone Cops feel on the ground, with squad cars are racing back and forth, the wrong way up one way streets with sirens wailing and blue lights flashing.

Reports say that Iain Dummkopf Schmidt and Festher McVey were leaning out of the doors of the two Police helicopters mobilized, whilst directing the search. As the helicopters swept back and forth across the sky above Hammersmith and Fulham.

Random snatches of anyone who looked as if they might be unemployed being dragged down to Hammersmith Police Station to take part in an identification parade so that Councillor Stainton could identify the right person to take £15-00 off.

At the time of writing some two hundred people had been taken back to the station for identification, some as many as 10 times.

The shabbily dressed man has so far eluded his pursuers. We at the Bastard say good luck to him

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Author: Dr Suusi Watson

Editor of the Bastard

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