Tory Election Strategy revealed!

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David Cameron’s 2015 General Election waistcoat.

UK – David Cameron’s Conservative government is getting desperate. With all the polls indicate that the Conservatives are going to lose the May 2015 General Election. The back benches are revolting and the Cabinet is engaged in that most viscous of civil wars over the succession to the leadership of the Conservative party.

The Party leadership on the other hand see that they can exploit the tragic if sadly predictable events in Paris to their advantage. The plan is simple. To be seen as the only ones that are capable of keeping the British people safe.

To this end there is going to be a succession of appalling terrorist events and stories about Jihadists in the middle east, happening with increasing frequency right up to and including on the day of the election.

Conservative posters and pronouncements will feature David Cameron wearing a Union Jack waistcoat whilst trying to look like a cross between PT Barnum, Winston Churchill and a pugilist.

Thankfully Cameron is not going to smoke a Churchillian cigar. The original version did of course feature him smoking a Churchill. The trouble is that the other members of the election committee heaped derision and mirth on the idea.

To give an example of the committee’s response. Bozza was so impressed that he said “Does Dave remind you of a famous film star?”

The other committee members shook their heads in disbelief. They said in unison, “No!”

Bozza then delivered the coup de gráce, “Oh Yes.” He said. “Lassie having a shit!”

The room erupted with mirth. It was at that point the the cigar was dropped from the media campaign.

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Author: Dr Suusi Watson

Editor of the Bastard

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