Much Loved Vicar Found Hanged from Bell Ropes!

Much Thrashing on the Marsh church
Much Thrashing on the Marsh church

UK – Tragic news just in. The Reverend Godfrey Well-beloved, 63, the appropriately named and much loved vicar of St Judas the Beloved of Christ, in the picturesque Cotswold village of Much Thrashing on the Marsh, has been found hanged by the neck from one of the bell pulls. The Reverend has been vicar of St Judas’s for the last 30 years.

Many of the parishioners are distraught. with some wandering around in shock, with tears running down their faces. Some are even asking why such a well loved vicar could do something so awful?

The Police now have the answer to that question. When they searched the vicars office they found that he had written a letter to the police apologising for the trouble he had put the police to. There was also a number of empty bottles of scotch littering the office. The letter explained the reasons for his tragic suicide.

It turns out that Godfrey was having a crisis of faith brought on by the knowledge that not a single one of the parishioners who regularly attended his packed services stood a cat’s chance in hell of going to heaven.

It turns out that most of the men are local bigwigs who have been corruptly running the local council for their own advantage and their wives had been instrumental in driving out all of the locals who were resident when they too over the parish and it’s council.

More than that they had also driven the local Post Office, Shop and the Public House ‘The 30 pieces of Silver’ into bankruptcy.

His widow Madeline Well-beloved told our reporter that he was distraught that his mission to lead his parishioners to the kingdom of heaven was such an epic failure.

“He simply could not live with the guilt and shame of it.” she said.

She went on the gated community hidden away in those woodlands there, is where several government ministers live as well as all of the members of the local council.

The local children do not dare go anywhere near there after young Willy Coppit was found in a terrible state. Wandering around in shock, naked, covered in dog bites and bleeding from his bottom after attempting to see the posh houses hidden by the trees.

He was never the same again she recalled. He attempted gas himself in his mothers gas oven. But the family had been sanctioned by the DWP and had not got the money for the gas meter.

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Author: Dr Suusi Watson

Editor of the Bastard

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