Job seekers required to wear Suits to Qualify for JSA

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Hi-Vis Jackets for the Untermensch
UK – It appears that David Porkeron’s suit jibe to Jeremy Corbyn has started that shrivelled pea that passes for Iain Dummkopf Schmitt’s brain working overtime again. We at the Bastard have heard that Iain Dummkopf Schmitt  now wants all Job Seekers to wear suits between the hours of 08:00 and 18:00. In order to qualify for Job Seekers Allowance (JSA) and Universal Credit (UC)  payments.

We understand that Iain Dummkopf Schmitt was rather taken with Chairman Mao Zedong’s uniform suits also known as Mao suits, that the Chinese people used to wear. This Combined with David Porkeron’s Jibe gave birth to this bold new policy.

When the Dummkopf put this to the cabinet there were many objections based on the idea that real people who have employment might be worried by the sight of so many smartly dressed people on JSA or UC.

Eventually a compromise was achieved, where the benefit claimants would have to wear a yellow or orange High Visibility jacket over their suits, with a prominently displayed symbol to show that these people are in fact non people. The the untermensch and not to be trusted.

After further discussion it was decided that the symbol would be a large red five pointed star to reinforce the idea that the untermensch are revolting communist scum and truly untouchable.

Word has now reached us us via our contacts in the DWP that the legal department is in the process of drawing up a contract for the sponsorship of the High Visibility Jackets that will have to be worn over the suits. Serco, G4S and ISS are all understood to be interested in the scheme.

The measure will be announced in the upcoming budget.

Stop Press:

The latest from the DWP is that ministers have negotiated a deal with council run crematoriums to recycle the funeral suits of the recently departed.

The legal justification for this legalised grave robbing is that the deceased does not have property rights, and that the suits were going to be burnt anyway.

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Author: Dr Suusi Watson

Editor of the Bastard

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