EU – In another The Bastard exclusive our European correspondent Zoot Allures has discovered that the EU is secretly funding and providing technical advice to the Britexit campaign.
It appears that the other members of the EU collectively uttered a massive sigh of relief when the Prime Minister David Porkeron declared that the UK was going to hold a referendum on whether Britain should remain in the European Union to be held on Thursday 23 June.
One insider who did not wish to be named because he was not authorised to comment told us that the rest of the EU was fed up to the back teeth of the UK and the British conservative party.
He even went as far as saying that David Porkeron and his MEPs behaved like a spoilt toddlers who had been told not to torture the neighbours pets.
“Frankly no one can stand the little Zob! (prick)” said our source. “He is a welcome as, how you say it? un pét (a fart) in a lift”
He went on, “When he announced the EU Referendum we could not believe our luck! So we decided to hand him a few meters of rope of our own with which he could hang himself.”
We also decided to hedge nous jours (our bets) and we are helping to finance both UKIP and the Britexit!”