Birmingham Braced for Another Massive Crime Wave!

The ICC Birmingham host to this year's crime convention
The ICC Birmingham host to this year’s crime convention

UK – The day that the residents of Birmingham have been dreading has arrived. The conservative faithful have been gathering for their annual mug a big city and mutual masturbation conference which is being held at the ICC Birmingham.

This year they will be crowning Her Majesty Theresa May Queen of England and paying tribute to her having successfully assassinated all her political rivals for the queenship. The highlight should be when the self styled the heir apparent and court Jester, BoJo, grovels before her whilst at the same time looking for a place to stick the knife in.

Once again the police have reported that the number of assaults, criminal damage, thefts from shops, credit frauds and sexual offences have rocketed. Particularly against animals, small boys and girls.

The QE2 has even cleared three wards ready for the influx of the victims of sexual assaults and that other conservative idea of “entertainment” making two homeless people fight for a a £50-00 note.

Many hotels have only only just finished repairing the damage inflicted on their business premises by the last Conservative conference in Birmingham, in 2014. Almost all the businesses affected are considerably out of pocket because the insurance claims having only just been settled.

With at least one Edgbaston flagellation services having been driven to the wall. Due to unpaid bills amounting to £120,000-00 for dominatrix services. Its former proprietor dominatrix, Lady Elizabeth F’rskins-Smythe, told us that some of her girls were still traumatised by the experience of the last conservative party conference.


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Author: Dr Suusi Watson

Editor of the Bastard

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