Aw, fuck it. I can’t be arsed.
Ukraine – Victorious Viktor Yushchenko’s victory in recent elections is probably the result of the most potent forms of electoral fraud; the use of corrupt observers, says an independent analyst today.
Professor Raga Malakosha of the University of Calcutta decried the use of observers in the election. Continue reading “Yushchenko’s Victory as fake as the other guys”
UK – British Church leaders were bracing themselves for the inevitable backlash from people disillusioned with religion following the recent catastrophe in South East Asia, C of E leaders said today.
In a desperate attempt to get themselves in the paper, Catholic and Anglican leaders Continue reading “UK Religious leaders get ready to stand up for God”
USA – Lt Paul Quinn, the pimply youth used by the Pentagon as it’s spokesperson on the case being referred to as the “Godzilla Fiasco” announced to a stunned world that sightings of a huge fire-breathing monster heading for Tokyo from Sumatra were in fact a cruel hoax. Continue reading “Pentagon fooled by pictures of ‘man in rubber suit’”
Early pictures of the terrifying monster being tracked by the US Government as it makes it’s way around the coast of South East Asia have been released by the Pentagon.
Spokesman Lt. Paul Quinn, a small and irritating man, confirmed in a Continue reading “First pictures of Sumatra monster received”
Ukraine – Despite this year having one of the gloomiest Christmases on record, there has been some good news: The Ukraine are now a freer country with a less corrupt President than ever before.
Yes, you got it: Viktor Yushchenko has kicked the ass of the evil ones! Continue reading “Yushchenko kicks ass in elections”
USA – Pictures from US Spy satellites scanning the seas off the coast of Sumatra clearly showed “a large terrifying monster” heading for the city of Tokyo, a spokesman for the Pentagon said this afternoon.
“Our pictures clearly show the creature coming up from the depths” the frightened little man said. “Breathing fire…. it’s head was quite clearly in the sky. We have Continue reading “Godzilla seen heading for Tokyo”
Indonesia – Citizens screamed in terror and ran for shelter following massive tidal waves, caused by the heaviest earthquake for forty years.
The earthquake is reported to have measured 8.98 on the Richter scale. Havoc was spread across the whole of South East Asia following Continue reading “South East Asia destroyed”
UK – An official inquiry has found that the former Home Sexretary David Dunkitt is a scoundrel.
Sir Alan Budd, super sleuth, reported that although David Dunkitt had not hidden anything he was still as guilty as a “puppy in Continue reading “Dunkitt is a scoundrel, Budd says”
UK – Charles Clarke, the new home secretary: a man we can look up to. Has he had Kimberley Quinn yet? Can he carry on where Dunkitt left off? Only time will tell.
His first job is to be, it would appear, crushing dissenting Nu Labor™ backbenchers like the pathetic bugs that they Continue reading “Labour backbenchers are revolting”