Daesh Conquerors Turkey without a fight!

President Erdogan has seizure Zaman, the country’s largest newspaper, on Friday night
Calif Erdogan has seizure Zaman, the country’s largest newspaper, on Friday night

Turkey – Whilst we have all been looking the other way it appears that Daesh (IS) has taken over Turkey. The most shocking part is that fact that the takeover took place without a fight!

This is particularly worrying because the US stores some 50 to 90 type B61 nuclear weapons at Continue reading “Daesh Conquerors Turkey without a fight!”

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Rolf Harris Jokes

Clifford can you guess who your new cellmate is yet?

Prosecution: Mr Harris exactly what did you mean when you asked witness A: if she would you like to blow your didgeridoo?

Prosecution: Mr Harris Have you got anything to say about these charges?

Mr Harris: When I released Two Little Boys, erm… I’m Jake the Peg, deedle, eedle, eedle, um With my extra leg… Tie Me Kangaroo Down Sport..

Judge: I will tie your kangaroo down for 5 Years and 9 Months. Take him down…

Rolf Harris looks good for a man of 83, I wonder what his secret is?

I hear that Rolf Harris might go to Jail. At least he will be among old friends from the BBC in the nonce wing…

Do you think that he will be sharing a cell with Max Clifford or Stuart Hall? … or a grave with Jimmy Savile!

I always wondered why Rolf Harris looked so excited when he was told they would be looking at a young beaver, on Animal Hospital.

Rolf Harris to face paedophile charges. – Oh, if only there was a massive island over the other side of the world where we could send these people to keep them out of trouble.

Rolf Harris has just released Two Little Boys. Police are investigating…

I always had my suspicions. Glasses, beard… it all adds up.

Rolf Harris can look forward to swapping stories about his conquests with Max Clifford…

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Former Editor killed by Japanese whalers

Mr Ziggy Encaoua at the beach.
Mr Ziggy Encaoua at the beach.

Southern Ocean – It is with great regret we have to announce the death of one of our previous editors Ziggy Encaoua.

He was with the Bastard between 2007 and 2010. It true the Bastard tradition his incisive articles were both thoughtful and provocative in equal measure. Continue reading “Former Editor killed by Japanese whalers”

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Fukushima: What is the situation now?

The leaky water tanks at Fukushima
The leaky water tanks at Fukushima

Japan – As I understand it the situation in reactors 1, 2 and 3 is that all three reactor cores are or have burned their way through the containment vessel. The situation at reactor 4 is not as bad. As in the core has not actually melted down. Continue reading “Fukushima: What is the situation now?”

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Korean restaurant opens a Home Cooking Service

'Parks home cooking service, on its way to cook a special meal for David Cameron.
‘Parks home cooking service, on its way to cook a special meal for David Cameron.

UK – In another exclusive for the Bastard we reveal the opening of the latest thing in exclusive takeaway catering.

The Park family arrived in the UK three months ago, during the height of the phoney war between the two Korea’s. Living Continue reading “Korean restaurant opens a Home Cooking Service”

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Almost the greatest rock and roll swindle

Michael Jackson
Michael Jackson

USA – Michael Jackson, 50, died after suffering an apparent cardiac arrest. The toxicology report results show that Jackson had several anti anxiety drugs – Alprazolam and Lorazepam – in his system, but he also had a lethal amount of Propofol, which Continue reading “Almost the greatest rock and roll swindle”

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Yet more MP’s on the Take

Stephen Byers, Patricia Hewitt, Geoff Hoon taking corruption to the Tony Blair level.
Stephen Byers, Patricia Hewitt, Geoff Hoon taking corruption to the Tony Blair level.

UK – So channel 4’s dispatches program has caught three Nu Labor™ ex ministers, Stephen Byers, Patricia Hewitt and Geoff Hoon in a sting operation. The ex ministers were eagerness to help an American lobbying firm in return for cash.

Even boasting that they had Continue reading “Yet more MP’s on the Take”

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Jealous Jordan to contract Terminal Cancer!

Peter and Jordan in happier times
Peter and Jordan in happier times

UK – Sad celebrity slapper Jordan who is also known as Katie Price is so jealous of all the Media attention that Jade Goody is getting in the run up to her sad death from cancer that she is to search the world to find a Doctor who would be willing to inject Continue reading “Jealous Jordan to contract Terminal Cancer!”

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First pictures of Sumatra monster received

The Sumatra monster
The Sumatra monster

Early pictures of the terrifying monster being tracked by the US Government as it makes it’s way around the coast of South East Asia have been released by the Pentagon.

Spokesman Lt. Paul Quinn, a small and irritating man, confirmed in a Continue reading “First pictures of Sumatra monster received”

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