UK – The Leader of the Liberal Democrats, Mr Charles Kennedy, has announced that he has managed to persuade someone to marry him.
His bird, who no-one can remember the name of, is said to be ‘not interested in politics’.
The two met at a joint-smoking session at some hippy festival last year. His fiancee is said to find his ex-military career extremely alluring
USA – Leader of the free world and second most powerful man in the universe* has said to the rest of the world that the appalling conditions that the suspected Al-Qaeda dudes are being kept in is okay because they are only arabic scum who would slit ur throat just as soon as look at you.
He went on to say that old traditions like innocent until proven guilty, humane punishment, non-torture of PoWs were not required with A-Rabs. Continue reading “Bush: it’s okay to torture A-Rabs”
Congo – The ancient African Gods responsible for the administration of the Congo Republic demonstrated their anger at the way things are going there by erupting and wiping out some city there. It was by all accounts quite a big important city, but was in Africa so us westerners will not have heard of it.
A spokes deity said that it was just a warning – if things didn’t improve pretty darn soon, the capital city would be next.
Arch prince of hell and leader of the ‘Conservative Party’, Ian Bunkum Smith has announced that ‘only women can save the Conservative Party’. By this piece of nonsense, intended as a means of attracting voters without actually having to so anything, he means of course that women should be encouraged to stand for safe Tory seats. IBS was keen to explain that he did not mean that women are to stupid or pathetic to take and hold unsafe Tory seats.
A leading tory backbencher who prefers not to be named* said that the thought of their being more nubile young women at the tory party conference made him feel very happy. IBS himself refuted accusations that the ‘Widdecombe babes’ were not going to be mere automatons modelled after the Labour Party’s infamous babe-bevy, but would be more like the successful independent women of today, ie lapdancers.