Cameron Retires to Pursue his Dream of being a Pig Poke!

Pigs head
Sex is like a pork Pie boring without some spice. David Cameron’s preferred sexual hors d’oeuvres is we are told a Pigs head! We shudder to think what the main course would be!

UK – Former Prime Minister and MP for Witney in Oxfordshire has announced that he is retiring from Parliament to pursue his dream of becoming the King of the Pig Pokes!

Unlike his spiritual mentor the gangster ‘Big’ Tony Blair who went off to pursue his dream of being the most bribed Prime Continue reading “Cameron Retires to Pursue his Dream of being a Pig Poke!”

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Whichever way you look David Cameron Murdered Jo Cox

Thomas Mair
Thomas Mair

This week we have had the tragic murder of a British member of Parliament Jo Cox. The 52 year old attacker, Thomas Mair, is variously described as a mental case, a terrorist and a far right extremist. Though as Mair is white, and not a muslim, the press has gone rather quiet on the terrorist bit. Continue reading “Whichever way you look David Cameron Murdered Jo Cox”

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Top Tories Start New Skull and Bones Club.

The Bullingdon Club
The Bullingdon Club

UK – People often say that sometimes the truth is stranger than fiction. They go further by saying that if it appeared in a novel then no one would believe it.

You may even have heard of the Ivy league to which America’s Continue reading “Top Tories Start New Skull and Bones Club.”

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Let crippled Porkeron carry on as PM

Pigs head
Pigs head – Can Cameron resist?

UK – The release of the Panama Papers, and the rapidly evolving scandal associated with it, is now is serious in danger of claiming some very high profile people.

It is not just David Porkeron who is at risk. Now the scalp of Porkeron’s anointed one Gideon Osborne is beginning to look distinctly vulnerable. especially after Iain Dummkopf Schmitt’s suicide bombing of both him and his budget, allegedly over the cuts to disability benefits. Continue reading “Let crippled Porkeron carry on as PM”

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EU wants the UK to Quit

Referendum on whether Britain should remain in the European Union to be held on Thursday 23 June.
Referendum on whether Britain should remain in the European Union to be held on Thursday 23 June.

EU – In another The Bastard exclusive our European correspondent Zoot Allures has discovered that the EU is secretly funding and providing technical advice to the Britexit campaign.

It appears that the other members of the EU collectively Continue reading “EU wants the UK to Quit”

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Iain Dummkopf Schmitt buries the Gidiot’s chances of becoming PM!

Iain Duncan Smith cheers at the prospect of vulnerable people being killed
Iain Duncan Smith cheers at the prospect of vulnerable people being killed. He has now resigned from the cabinet over cuts to disability benefits.

UK – We at the Bastard have occaisionally underestimated people in the political world.In this case it appears that we have with Iain Dummkopf Schmitt.

Who is said by people who have worked with him in the past to be the the stupidest ex guardsman from a regiment noted for its Continue reading “Iain Dummkopf Schmitt buries the Gidiot’s chances of becoming PM!”

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Government demands that the deceased return all NHS Property!

Your relative waiting for the government to harvest their body for NHS property
Your relative waiting for the government to harvest their body for NHS property

UK – In a bizarre move inspired by Iain Dummkopf Schmitt’s move yesterday to seizure of the funeral suits of the recently departed. Jeremy Hunt the health secretary and the Chancellor of the exchequer Gideon Osbourne has ordered that all NHS property is to be returned to the NHS department of finance before a death certificate can be issued. Continue reading “Government demands that the deceased return all NHS Property!”

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Job seekers required to wear Suits to Qualify for JSA

big-hi-vis-vest-pic[1]
Hi-Vis Jackets for the Untermensch
UK – It appears that David Porkeron’s suit jibe to Jeremy Corbyn has started that shrivelled pea that passes for Iain Dummkopf Schmitt’s brain working overtime again. We at the Bastard have heard that Iain Dummkopf Schmitt  Continue reading “Job seekers required to wear Suits to Qualify for JSA”

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Reflections on the coming EU referendum

Referendum on whether Britain should remain in the European Union to be held on Thursday 23 June.
Referendum on whether Britain should remain in the European Union will be held on Thursday 23 June 2016.

Now that prime Minister David Porkeron has announced that the Referendum on whether Britain should remain in the European Union will be held on Thursday 23 June 2016.

In doing so He has launched a bitter civil war within his own conservative party. With Iain Continue reading “Reflections on the coming EU referendum”

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Tory Civil War over Europe Warms UP!

Foreign Secretary Philip Hammond
Foreign Secretary Philip Hammond

UK – The starting gun having been fired for the EU referendum in 23 June  2016, the two warring wings of the conservative party have up to now have been something approaching civil to each other.

Now it is handbags at dawn with a full scale civil war! Hostilities were engaged innocently enough with David Porkaron handbagging Boris Johnson. Continue reading “Tory Civil War over Europe Warms UP!”

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