UK – The beleaguered transport secretary Stev-o Byers hinted that a fire at a warehouse near Ali Pali that resulted in the cancellation of most of the West Anglia line trains today was nothing to do with him. The shadow secretary for transport, a guy that nobody knows the name Continue reading “Delay to trains in Norf London – not my fault, says Byers”
UK – In a fine example of offering lots and doing nothing (New Left – it’s the real thing) Government ministers are set to put the smile to legalisation of adoption by unmarried couples.
This rather pointless change in the law means that couple who are unmarried can adopt provided Continue reading “Government announces adoption plans for sinners – read as”
UK – The piece of software that is used in the preparation of The Bastard is set to be re-released shortly for use on Unix computers. A spokes geek on behalf of the publishers, Somniferum Happy IT Oy, said that a re-release was necessary because the majority of their clients were to mean to buy Continue reading “Groundbreaking software to be re-released”
UK – Teachers in the UK are set to get a pay rise of a wapping (same as wopping but on a Cell Phone) 3%. It may not sound much, but it is vastly more than the sadistic evil scumbags. After all, they say that if you can remember a good teacher it is because they are so fucking rare – teaching is an industry that attracts sadists and hitler’s like Continue reading “Teachers to get pay-rise”
UK – Responding to allegations that Bush was treating the Arabic bounders unfairly which have appeared in numerous newspapers and media (including this one), the British President Tony Blair replied that Osama Bin Laden was a complete muthafukka, and so were all of his mates. The scoundrels Continue reading “Blair: Bin Laden is a muthafukker, and so are his mates”
UK – The Leader of the Liberal Democrats, Mr Charles Kennedy, has announced that he has managed to persuade someone to marry him.
His bird, who no-one can remember the name of, is said to be ‘not interested in politics’.
The two met at a joint-smoking session at some hippy festival last year. His fiancee is said to find his ex-military career extremely alluring
Arch prince of hell and leader of the ‘Conservative Party’, Ian Bunkum Smith has announced that ‘only women can save the Conservative Party’. By this piece of nonsense, intended as a means of attracting voters without actually having to so anything, he means of course that women should be encouraged to stand for safe Tory seats. IBS was keen to explain that he did not mean that women are to stupid or pathetic to take and hold unsafe Tory seats.
A leading tory backbencher who prefers not to be named* said that the thought of their being more nubile young women at the tory party conference made him feel very happy. IBS himself refuted accusations that the ‘Widdecombe babes’ were not going to be mere automatons modelled after the Labour Party’s infamous babe-bevy, but would be more like the successful independent women of today, ie lapdancers.