Ladies, gentlemen, and regular readers: it is with great pleasure that Somniferum Publishing announce the return of The Bastard!
The Bastard disappeared for several years after the offices were invaded by the US Army. We have escaped from camp X-Ray, and are now publishing from a remote location in the mountainous region of Pakistan. Continue reading “The Bastard Returns!”
UK – The attractive and sophisticated British trade secretary, Patricia Hewitt, branded the moronic hick US president an ‘ungrateful bastard’ today after the Americans moved to restrict steel imports into the US.
US – Frodo Baggins, the hobbit who saved Middle Earth from a tide of darkness and evil, is said to be outraged by the portrayal of himself and his friends Meriadoc Brandybuck and Peregrin Took. “The film portrays me as being a right pussy” said the outraged halfling, “and Messrs. Brandybuck and Took as a pair of crooks. As if to balance this out, it implies that Arwen, who in real life did sod all, is some kind of heroin!”
Despite these criticisms, the film has gone on to be a major success. Smeagol Richardson, the script writer of the blockbuster, was said to be delighted at the success of the film. He had consulted as many of the original cast as he was able to, and the majority, including Peregrin Took, had been quite happy with the way that they were portrayed. The nine Nazgul had even agreed to appear in the movie, and can be seen in cameo roles in Bree and Minas Tirith.
USA – Leader of the free world and second most powerful man in the universe* has said to the rest of the world that the appalling conditions that the suspected Al-Qaeda dudes are being kept in is okay because they are only arabic scum who would slit ur throat just as soon as look at you.