Bush passes most Ironic act ever

George W Bush

USA – George W Bush, world famous Prime Minister of North America, has signed into law a new approach to American world spying.

The ironically titled US Intelligence Bill creates another layer of bureaucracy in the US Intelligence business. Some guy Continue reading “Bush passes most Ironic act ever”

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Sabotage caused Concorde Crash

Giant Firework
Giant Firework

France – Titanium shards dumped from a Continental Airlines jet was directly responsible for the Concorde crash of 2000, a French judge has ruled.

Public prosecutor Xavier Salvar said that expert testimony had convinced the Continue reading “Sabotage caused Concorde Crash”

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The Bastard Returns!

Our New Home.

Ladies, gentlemen, and regular readers: it is with great pleasure that Somniferum Publishing announce the return of The Bastard!

The Bastard disappeared for several years after the offices were invaded by the US Army. We have escaped from camp X-Ray, and are now publishing from a remote location in the mountainous region of Pakistan. Continue reading “The Bastard Returns!”

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Bush to chase the bullies of Bin Laden jr.

Osama Bin Laden
Osama Bin Laden

USA – The president of the USofA Mr George M Bush jr. quietly announced a new campaign today (9th April 2002) to track down and carpet-bomb the bullies of famous terrorist leader Osama Bin Laden.

Mr Bin Laden is said to have been bullied at school by the two thugs Continue reading “Bush to chase the bullies of Bin Laden jr.”

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Bush is an ungrateful bastard – Patricia Hewitt

moronic hick US president is an 'ungrateful bastard'
moronic hick US president is an ‘ungrateful bastard’

UK – The attractive and sophisticated British trade secretary, Patricia Hewitt, branded the moronic hick US president an ‘ungrateful bastard’ today after the Americans moved to restrict steel imports into the US.

In a flagrant violation of World Trade Organisation rules, the two Continue reading “Bush is an ungrateful bastard – Patricia Hewitt”

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AOL suckers to sue over stuff

Once installed you can never rid your system of it
AOHell: Once installed you can never rid your system of it

Some folks who kinda got what they deserved after signing up to the great Internet whore AOL are suing the bastards.

AOL take down the credit card details of their users, then bombard them with these really irritating adverts for stuff, upon which the users click Yes or No. Continue reading “AOL suckers to sue over stuff”

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The lesson of Enron

14USA – The collapse of the world’s biggest leccy company Enron is a lesson to us all: politicians today just aren’t as good value as they used to be.

Time was when you could bribe a world leader, such as Mr G Bush or the Conservatives, and know that you would be forever safe. Continue reading “The lesson of Enron”

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Ethnic Cleansing in Afghanistan – the world need never know

More death and devastation in Afghanistan

Afghanistan – Thank goodness! No more terrorism! Okay, so we haven’t caught Bin Laden yet, probably never will (his CIA trainers trained him too well for that), and Pakistan has the explosive mix of nuclear weapons and two million Afghan refugees, but at least Bush managed to Continue reading “Ethnic Cleansing in Afghanistan – the world need never know”

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Frodo Baggins said to be ‘outraged’ at FOTR portrayal

5US –  Frodo Baggins, the hobbit who saved Middle Earth from a tide of darkness and evil, is said to be outraged by the portrayal of himself and his friends Meriadoc Brandybuck and Peregrin Took. “The film portrays me as being a right pussy” said the outraged halfling, “and Messrs. Brandybuck and Took as a pair of crooks. As if to balance this out, it implies that Arwen, who in real life did sod all, is some kind of heroin!”

Despite these criticisms, the film has gone on to be a major success. Smeagol Richardson, the script writer of the blockbuster, was said to be delighted at the success of the film. He had consulted as many of the original cast as he was able to, and the majority, including Peregrin Took, had been quite happy with the way that they were portrayed. The nine Nazgul had even agreed to appear in the movie, and can be seen in cameo roles in Bree and Minas Tirith.

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Bush: it’s okay to torture A-Rabs

3USA –
 Leader of the free world and second most powerful man in the universe* has said to the rest of the world that the appalling conditions that the suspected Al-Qaeda dudes are being kept in is okay because they are only arabic scum who would slit ur throat just as soon as look at you.

He went on to say that old traditions like innocent until proven guilty, humane punishment, non-torture of PoWs were not required with A-Rabs. Continue reading “Bush: it’s okay to torture A-Rabs”

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